The Hunger
by LoveAnarchy
Summary: Hermione lost herself over the summer, and can't deal with all of the emotions that plague her. At Hogwarts, she is a wreck, and unwilling to communicate with her friends. Hiding her secrets only works for so long, until someone gets curious.
1. Chapter 1: One Last Night

The Hunger

Chapter 1: One Last Night

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N: This is a rather rough edit. I thought I would post the idea, and see how it went, I have a different direction to take this story in if all else fails.

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A lone figure lay on a dirty park bench, looking at the night sky so far above her head. Hermione took one last drag of the cigarette dangling from her pouty lips. Blowing a small smoke ring, Hermione sat up, and grabbed her forehead, as a wave of dizziness came over her. It was Hermione's last evening of summer, before returning to Hogwarts for her final year. She dreaded this more than anything; the changes that had occurred over her two-month absence would not be expected or accepted for that matter.

_The Hogwarts express chugged merrily along, as three friends sat in the evening light, talking and laughing. The compartment door was suddenly thrown wide open, as a certain blonde Slytherin made his presence known._

"_Well, well if it isn't the Golden Trio, Pothead, Measel, and hmm.. Mudblood? No. How about huge know-it-all, and not huge as in brain size either." Malfoy's laugh was covered by the enraged shouts of Ron and Harry. Both of them had jumped up at his entrance and were now yelling at the top of their lungs in defense. The only one who was silent was the curly-haired Hermione, who was staring down at the carpet, wishing to somehow melt into it. As Malfoy left the compartment with a merry chuckle, and a sarcastic 'toodles' Harry and Ron finally noticed that Hermione hadn't moved. Ron slid near the fragile Gryffindor, and placed an arm around her shoulders. Harry sat across from the pair, watching his best friend intently._

"_Come on Hermione; don't let that slimy git get you down, we all know that nothing he says is true, chin up." Ron shook Hermione ever so slightly, as if to cheer her up. Harry, who had stopped paying attention to what the arrogant git said after his 'Pothead' comment, shrugged and in a cheery tone said,_

"_Really, Hermione, you know you're not a Know-It-All, don't listen to him, ever." Hermione smiled up at both of them as a sign of recognition and proceeded to pretend that everything was ok. Really, she was dying inside at the words of the blonde Slytherin. Hermione knew she wasn't a skinny girl nor was she huge, but still she had never been a skinny girl, her appearance had never been important. However, she had begun to notice how every skinny pretty girl in Hogwarts had an adorable loving boyfriend, even her so-called best friends had flings for some part of the school year. Harry had dated Ginny, and Ron had dated Lavender, much to everyone's surprise, so Hermione began to feel that maybe if she was skinny and pretty, like every other girl in school somebody would love her. Malfoy's words had confirmed her worse fears and her best friends' absence of support just made it worse. _

_For the rest of the train ride Hermione had pretended that everything was alright, but Malfoy's words stayed in her brain, eating at her soul._

As Hermione walked back home through the dimly lit streets, she pondered her summer and what had happened to make her this way.

_For the first week of summer vacation, Hermione received daily pleas to join her friends at the Burrow, all of which she refused. Her friends were only going to tell her how fat she was, while going and dating some cute little witch, meaning Ginny and Lavender. Hermione couldn't bear it, and so she stayed home. Everything had been fine, until, about a month into summer Hermione had met Johnny, she had run into him one evening, while running in the park. Hermione had been on a very tight diet, eating almost nothing, and running miles a day, as a result, had lost tremendous amounts of weight, and looked frail. In her mind, she was still fat, ugly and when she ran into sexy Johnny, had almost run the other way. _

"_Hello, there, sorry about getting in your way." Johnny had a slivery, romantic voice, that Hermione longed to catch. It was the only thing that kept her from running away fast._

"_No…my fault…sorry…didn't…see…you" Hermione said between jagged breathes. _

"_You should be careful running so late, a pretty thing like you could get lost, or worse hurt." His teeth were white in the darkness, and Hermione felt him taking a step closer. Strangely she wasn't afraid, not yet at least._

"_You should let me walk you home, wouldn't want some stranger to hurt you." That slippery smooth voice was intoxicating, and Hermione nodded, much to her inner disbelief. She began to head down the street, and he followed, keeping an easy distance between them. Hermione snatched another look at him as they headed into a splash of light on the sidewalk. Johnny had a lean muscular body, visible through the side of his black sleeve-less t-shirt, this hung over a bullet belt holding up a pair of mid-calf cut off cameo pants. Johnny's eyes twinkled, and he ran a hand through his shortish midnight hair._

"_Like what you see?" His eyes said something different that Hermione didn't quite catch._

"_I am really trying to decide how old you are," she said with a small shrug._

"_Oh?" Once again there appeared to be hidden meanings, but Hermione seemed deaf to them._

"_17, no 18?" Hermione questioned nervously._

"_Right, 18, good guess," Johnny noticed that Hermione had stopped. She was staring at one of the brown suburban homes that lined the street. _

"_Your home, I guess.." Johnny's voice faded off as Hermione looked back towards his face. She desperately did not want to leave this exciting new stranger, but her good-girl instincts told her to head in the house. Hermione glanced at the darkened two-story, and began to head towards the gate leading to the weathered front door, when she felt a hand on her wrist._

"_Say…You wouldn't be up for a party this coming Saturday, would you?" Johnny looked into Hermione's hazel eyes, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. He slipped a crinkled slip of paper into her sweaty palm._

"_This is my phone number, call me when you make a decision, or you know, just call me." Johnny muttered, before letting go of Hermione, and sauntering down the quiet street. Hermione stared down the lane as he rounded the corner, shaking her head, Hermione pondered the slip of paper in her hand. _

Lost in her memories, Hermione almost trudged past her own house. She silently crept towards the back door, leading out to the garden. Clicking open the handle, she silently kicked off her grey high-tops, and whispered her way down the hall. Stopping at the bottom rung of an ancient and creaky staircase, Hermione listened for the stirring of any of her family members. When no one made a sound, Hermione began to creep up the darkened staircase. Reaching the hall, she paused again, waiting to make sure the coast was clear. Silently she entered her room, and had to resist the urge to scream.

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A/N: So there we go, and it is rated M for a reason, the reason may not be apparent YET, but it will be very very soon.


	2. Chapter 2: Intrusion

Chapter 2: Intrusion

A/N: I made a rather significant error. Unless I'm mistaken I never explained how she finds out his name. I tried to find a way to explain it, without having to redo that chapter/flashback, and couldn't. So if it could just be accepted, that would be great, if not, then it will be changed. Thanks.

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His sea-foam eyes blazed out of the darkness; bullet belt glistening in the orange light of the dim street lamp, Johnny lounged on the bleach stained lavender cover of Hermione's ancient twin bed. Hermione clung to the stained wooden door jam, frozen in shock, as he stood, and stalked towards her. Finally, when Johnny was within arm span, Hermione awoke. Sliding around him; she crammed the door shut with her foot, and came to rest in the center of the dusty periwinkle room, remnants of her childhood lying in shadowed corners. Johnny had resumed a relaxed pose, and was now positioned near the open window used in his surprise entrance.

"You,' Hermione uttered in disbelief, 'how dare you come back here." Her voice filling with rage,

'after everything that happened, how dare you, you soulless bastard!" At this, Johnny stepped forward, and grasped Hermione's toned upper arm, holding it in his steel fingers.

"I didn't want you to forget all the fun we had, while you were away." His velvet words couldn't muffle the violent hate-filled voice in Hermione's head, not any longer.

"Fun for who? You lied to me, used me, and then left me, to tame the chaos _you_ had created. You spineless, coward." Her throat was thick, and tears puddle in the corners of her hazel eyes.

_After two days of staring at the little piece of paper, deciding, and changing her mind, Hermione finally called him, on Friday evening, only to hang up. Leaning her head on the plaster wall next to her bed, Hermione stared at the cordless beige phone in her sweaty palm. Willing her nerves to steel; she punched in the number from memory. 'This time she won't hang up the phone' Hermione mentally commanded, as Johnny's voice buzzed through the earpiece._

"_Hello?" His chocolate voice sent Hermione into a head spin._

"_Hi, is this Johnny?" Hermione cringed at how childish and immature she sounded._

"_Yes, and this, I'm guessing, is the mysterious late night runner?" Hermione's eyes widened,_

"_y-yes, I just called to tell you I would like to go to that party." Hermione smacked her forehead in absolute embarrassment._

"_Awesome,' Johnny's voice filled with surprise, and genuine excitement, 'I'll pick you up at home tomorrow, how about eleven?" Hermione could imagine him now, sitting, no, pacing, running anxious fingers through his wild hair. _

"_Sounds good, I'll meet you on the road in front of my house." A grin was spreading wide on Hermione's face, as she imagined tomorrow._

"_Perfect. I have one question though?" Hermione's smile fell._

"_Ok.. What is it?" Trying to keep the worry from her voice, Hermione held her breath._

"_What is your name, my mysterious lady?" Hermione felt her face turn the color of her faded satin pajamas, grin returning, she slowly said,_

"_Hermione."_

"_See you tomorrow night, Hermione and sweet dreams." Words oozed from the phone, before he hung up. It was then, when the finality of it all crashed down on Hermione, did she realize that she never even asked him, how he knew who she was. Dismissing it, hoping he just had a good memory, Hermione spent the next several hours trying to find a nice outfit. _

A knife through butter, Hermione was jolted back into the present, as Johnny's once so sexy voice crept into her ear,

"So you do remember, that's what counts, isn't it?' With a malicious grin, Johnny was out the window, and climbing down the short aluminum drain pipe before Hermione could emit a sound. Running towards the crystal pane, hoping to lock out all the evil in her head, Hermione swore she could faintly hear the wind say,

"don't worry, I'll be waiting." Slamming the window down with all her might, Hermione crawled deep under the comfy purple covers, to await the dawn, and sweet release from the darkness of her dreams.

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A/N: Thanks for waiting for 2nd Chapter, this is a DraHermione fic, I promise, it just has a longer lead up.


	3. Chapter 3: Mistakes

The Hunger

Chapter 3: Mistakes

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter's world, or his firends or anything, except this story plot, and all original character.

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It was five-thirty in the morning when Hermione shut off her blaring alarm. Not that she even needed the blasted the thing, sleeping was not an option when you had late night encounters with dangerous men. Sliding up out of the warm cave of down comforters, she ran a shaky hand through crumpled disastrous burgundy curls. 'That is the last time I dye my hair with PERMENANT dye, the shit destroyed it' Hermione viciously thought as she tried to force the jungle on her head into a clasp.

Swinging stick thin legs out of the deep purple sea of duvets, Hermione eased onto shaky feet. Head swimming, and black dots doing the polka in her eyes, she leaned against the wall, waiting for the spinning to stop. 'Dammit! Don't you dare fall down! Not again, not this morning, FUCK YOU BODY!' Hermione screamed mentally, as her knees began to buckle. As the minutes ticked by, the shaking stopped, the floor leveled and Hermione was able to finally walk. Heading to the one bathroom in the whole house, Hermione shrugged on an ancient and loved black fuzzy house coat. It was ten sizes to big, but Hermione's favorite item of clothing. No one was up yet, this was Hermione's favorite time of the day, when no one bothered her, and the world was at peace.

Once in the egg yolk painted bathroom, Hermione shut and locked the pristine cream colored door; spinning around she stalked past the Romanesque tub and matching sink, past the ivory throne and up to the large clear window. Whipping up the blinds, she oh-so-carefully eased it open, and when the hole was just large enough for a two year old, she slid through, and out onto the roof. Carefully, hands balanced, Hermione walked up the roof, and onto the ledge that the window created. Once there, she settled herself into al ball of warm black fuzziness, reached deep into the pocket of the massive coat, and pulled out her pack or cigarettes. Lighting one, she settled back on the roof, watching the sun come up. Soon, with smoke curling far above her, Hermione began to think, once again about that party, and the stupid mistakes she made.

_Hermione spent all day getting ready for the party. Naturally she couldn't ask her parents, so everything was done in secrecy. After getting off the phone with Johnny that night, Hermione had tried on every single article of clothing she possessed. Finally, after a few frustrating hours, Hermione chose an outfit. Thinking of Johnny, Hermione choose a grunge/hardcore combination. The day of the party, Hermione spent two hours dying her hair a deep red. She repainted a garish blood color on her fingers, and then, before dinner, practiced in the mirror applying smoky dark eyeliner. That night, after an agonizing dinner, which she didn't really eat, Hermione said goodnight to her parents, lied and repeatedly told them that she was just a little over tired, that no, she wasn't going for a run tonight, and that dinner was in fact delicious and she did eat enough. 'They never leave me the fuck alone' angry Hermione viciously spat at them in her head as she trudged up the creaky staircase._

_Entering her childhood room, she maliciously kicked a patched and worn teddy bear. 'God I NEED a new room, I'm not fucking SIX!' screamed Hermione. Storming around, she began to finally calm down she saw her outfit leaning on her chair, as if it was saying 'come dancing in me'. Hermione sighed and grabbed it off the chair, it was only 8 o'clock but Hermione wanted plenty of time. Smiling she locked the door of the bathroom, and had a cigarette, before taking the longest shower possible. When she finally left the shower the room smelt strongly of lavender, and was a sauna. As Hermione got ready, she got even more excited. Finally, at 10:45, she was finished and taking one last drawn out look in the mirror. Hermione had straightened her hair, so the long red locks were stick straight, and hanging somewhere near her ass. She had taken, and applied deep smoky grays and purples to her hazel eyes, then followed by a thin line of deep black velvet eyeliner. This was coupled by a dark burgundy lipstick, and faint pale cheeks. Hermione's outfit was something that would never been seen at Hogwarts, except by a very few choice Slytherins; she wore a vibrant cherry lace bra, visible through the fishnet ripped long sleeve shirt. To barely cover herself, Hermione was also bringing a cardigan that was reminiscent of Nirvana and Pearl Jam. She contrasted the top with a pair of ripped cameo pants, exactly like Johnny's the night before, although shorter, fishnet stockings, and ankle combat boots. She wore it best with her bullet belts, her giant sink-drain necklace, and a studded collar, as well as eight pirate rings. Hermione gazed for a long moment in her dusty floor length mirror, where all she could see was visible fat rolls inching her stomach, she covered it with both arms, then shaking her head, she turned to read the ancient digital clock Before she even had time to read the bright green digital numbers, Hermione heard rocks on the glass pane. Quickly she ran over to the window, where she saw the dark silhouette of Johnny waving at her. Without a single glance back to the darkened room of her childhood, Hermione had both feet up and out the window and down to the street, where the nights fun would begin._

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A/N: And so here is chapter 3. Something I almost thought would never make it.

I know this is really quite long and drawn out, but its all for a good cause, and I promise it is a DracHermione, and rated M for a reason.


	4. Chapter 4: The Train

**Disclaimer: Obviously I dont own any of JK Rowlings creations..I do however own any of the original stuff in the story.**

The Hunger

Chapter 4: The Train

Heading to King's Cross caused tightness in Hermione's chest. She was terrified of finally seeing her friends after avoiding them for so long. Hermione was terrified they would see that she wasn't really the same Hermione that left them two months ago. 'Maybe they will, hopefully they will' prayed Hermione as she strode through the barrier to Platform 9 and ¾'s. But she knew this was a false hope, how could they not, when she came back thin as a rail, dressed in completely different clothes, and chain smoking, not to mention the hair. When Hermione was finally through the barrier, she trudged slowly to the scarlet train, taking her time in hopes that she wouldn't run into the two boys. Opening her Hogwarts letter, as a last glimpse of an obnoxious checklist, Hermione noticed the weight of it; slipping open the crisp parchment, she felt something the size of a galleon fall heavily into her sweaty palm. 'That's right, I completely forgot about my head's badge in everything that had happened in the last two months, which means' a grin suddenly plastered on Hermione's pale face 'I get my own carriage', suddenly Hermione wanted to skip and dance. With a light spring in her step, Hermione threw her obnoxiously large ancient leather trunk in the luggage booth, before making her way to the Heads carriage. As much as she tried to enjoy those few moments of sweet bliss, Hermione couldn't ignore the whispers, and stares that seemed to follow her like the plague. Looking down at herself, Hermione rationalized it must be the clothes, that they weren't staring at her massive fat rolls, or the way her thighs jiggled. 'Why are they staring at me, I know I'm a sea cow' close to tears, Hermione pulled the baggy black zip-up down over her black straight-leg jeans. In fact it was the opposite; no one could recognize the pencil girl with huge eyes marked with massive bags, and hair slung into a loose burgundy bun.

After an eternity it seemed, Hermione reached the Head's carriage, where she gratefully slid into the plush leather seats. Sinking down into squashy leather, Hermione let out a sigh of relief. Feeling the all-consuming constant hunger pains flair up she curled up in the corner near the window, resting her head against the cool glass in an attempt to fall asleep. Before long Hermione was deep in dreamland, tossing and turning in the prison of a nightmare; unknown to her as she began to cry softly in sleep, someone was patiently watching.

_Music pounded through her chest as they approached the trashed two story house. Hermione looked sideways at Johnny, catching his eye, she smiled softly to cover up her nervousness._ _He winked, and grabbing Hermione's hand he led her across the desert lawn covered in empties. Waving at a few of his buddies who were currently engaged in a shot-gunning contest, Johnny led Hermione towards them. As they approached the group Hermione could clearly hear the music from inside the dilapidated house as a drunken girl stumbled out the wrecked front door, they were playing Teenagers from Mars by the Misfits, one of Hermione's favorites. Reaching the jumble of teenage punkers, Johnny broke through the circle, dragging Hermione along. Pointing at a six-foot guy with orange liberty spikes and a torn Sex Pistols shirt, Johnny muttered sideways at Hermione,_

"_That's Ratchet', sliding his finger to the left towards a short kid with choppy black bangs, who was the picture of innocence, _

'_This is Mickey, but everyone calls him Baby 'cause of his face, and because he's the youngest of our group." Johnny then turned to the left, bringing Hermione around to see another young punker; he was a bean pole of ripped T-shirts and hardware, covered by a tattered leather jacket that hung from his almost skeletal frame. Hermione was instantly afraid, she couldn't explain it, but the sudden chill going down her spine caused a vicious knot in her stomach. The stranger looked Hermione up and down, with a hunger in his wolfish eyes that reminded Hermione of someone, she just couldn't remember who. The punker than whistled low and long, causing Hermione to shrink back, almost behind Johnny's narrow shoulders. _

"_easy there Pyn, I saw her first,' Johnny declared with a tone that Hermione would soon learn was anything but protectiveness,_

'_That would be Bobby, but everyone here either calls him Bobby Pyn, or Pyn, like the lead singer of the Germ's original name, he and I go way back, we are almost fucking brothers." Sliding a hand around Hermione's trim waist, Johnny faced the whole group,_

"_Listen here, you punk mother fuckers, this here is 'Mione, lets show her a good time tonight" Johnny yelled while throwing a fist in the air. He was their leader, and they were his disciples as each and everyone followed them up to the grotesque building._

"Hey, you………Girl……Wake up! We are almost there," growled Draco Malfoy as he shook the sleeping girl. Draco could swear on his own blood, but he had seen the sleeping girl in_ his _compartment before, he just couldn't remember where. He laid a meticulously groomed hand on her slim shoulder and gently shook her, with no avail, only the gentle flutter of her eyelashes against a porcelain check. Draco lifted one tiny wrist off of her chest and proceeded to shake it, this time harder, still to no avail. Suddenly the girl whispered a vague sleepy breathe, as the tears began to flow freely. Draco became incredibly uncomfortable, he under no circumstances handled crying females well, and avoided any at all circumstances. Slowly he began to stand, eager to escape the room, heading to the luggage rack over the sleeping girl; Draco began to unfold his new Head Boy badge, and pristine robes. Next, and unbeknownst to anyone, Draco pocketed a package of cigarettes, although not before mentally berating himself for the fifth time. _'Stupid Muggle habit, so unbefitting of a Malfoy'_ Draco swore, but then he paused. Without thinking he had grabbed the girl's cloak, and now he knew who she was. _'Granger is that really you?'_ thought the confused Draco, once again staring at the sleeping girl. He then moved over her sleeping form, studying her as if she was a text book. Draco noted her pencil like arms and legs, the yellow nicotine stain on her right hand, and surprisingly broken scars on her left arm.

"Oh Granger, what has happened to you?" He whispered, unable to once again attempt to wake Hermione after seeing the bags under her eyes. Feeling somewhat generous, he placed her robe on Hermione's sleeping form, as he watched her shiver and turn. Turning to leave, he slid open the compartment door, and gently pushed it shut.

Hermione woke up strangely; first, she was covered in her own cloak; second, she could faintly smell a boy of some kind; third, she was fairly certain that Malfoy was just standing over her, or was that a dream, she wasn't sure. Sitting up slowly, Hermione felt her head swim, eyes blurring, and limbs shaking. '_You always forget your body is fucked up,'_ Hermione mentally berated herself. Glancing out the window, Hermione realized the train was nearing Hogwarts. Grabbing her robes, Hermione slid into the comfy fabric, feeling out of place in fabric she could swim in. Locking the compartment door, and cracking the window, Hermione lit a cigarette with her wand, and watched the towers and peaks of Hogwarts roll in.

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A/N: Ok thats chapter 4, read and review, chapter 5 up next sunday.


	5. Chapter 5: One Very Good Party

**A/N: WARNING: Does contain a sex scene...its not uber graphic but if you cant handle that kind of stuff dont read it.**

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The scarlet train billowed clouds of gray smoke as it pulled into Hogsmeade Station. The Hogwarts express had arrived in the quiet wizarding community, and with several triumphant bangs the wheels slid to a stop. Quickly, the giant doors slid back to allow a sea of cloaked students roar onto the stone platform. Laughter filled the air, and the noisy ensemble headed dutifully up the path leading to the Hogwarts carriages, until only the students left were the scared first years, cowering in a huddle near the front of train, and four seventh year students. Out of the four seventh years, however, only two were on the platform, and were gathering shooting glances from the first years. One, with unruly black hair turned to his mate with a worried expression.

"Where is Hermione?" Harry Potter asked, his emerald eyes glancing the length of the deserted platform.

"I don't know Harry, it isn't usually like her to be late, especially when she has to take care of the icky firsties." Ron Weasley muttered into the wind as his eyes darted about the platform. The two young men looked around, and shaking their head's stepped into the last waiting carriage, thinking maybe Hermione had jumped ahead of them. Little did they know she was just stepping off the steam train as they pulled away. Sighing deeply, Hermione watched the carriage pull away, before reaching into her robes, pulling out cigarettes, and sticking the filtered end in her beautiful plum covered mouth. Suddenly, a flame appeared over her shoulder, connected to the wand of a stranger. Hermione leaned into the flame allowing it to ignite her cigarette; turning around to say thank you, she stopped dead in tracks. There in flesh and bones, was her worst enemy, and, well, he was gorgeous.

Slowly, Draco Malfoy stepped onto the platform, careful to not to startle Hermione. Reaching deep into his emerald and black robes, he pulled out his own pack of smokes, and lit one for himself.

"What are you doing here?" Hermione puffed angrily, eyes narrowing, lips oval around the thin white cancer stick.

"Same as you, I think, avoiding the other students," he gave Hermione a small smile at this, watching as her eyebrows raised.

"Why would you think that?" Hermione avoided looking at Draco's wide gray eyes. His unquestioning smile seemed to burn through her, and Hermione looked at the cobbled ground to avoid Draco's gaze.

"Granger,' Draco murmured gently, 'have you looked in a mirror lately, you look like shit."

Narrowing her hazel eyes, Hermione glared at Draco's lit cigarette, before deeply sighing. Hermione sighed, and turned to head towards the castle. Startled, Draco followed her, the crunch of their footsteps the only sound in the night. Several minutes passed, before Draco broke the engulfing silence.

"So you know that we are both Head Students this year?" Draco asked carefully. Hermione, once again, sighed and nodded, her eyes cast straight forward.

"And as you know, that means that we must share living quarters," he said quietly. Hermione turned at this comment, smoke curling around her delicate features, eyebrows raised in defense.

"Malfoy, I will never take shit from you again, do you hear me, this is a warning, I'm not afraid of you, or anyone this year, don't fuck with me," Hermione stated, while stomping out her cigarette. Throwing up his hands in defense, Draco quickly said "Granger, you have this all wrong, I've changed, and I was hoping we could be friends, or at least at a truce." Hermione raised her eyes to his, and studied his face. She believed Draco then, he looked aged, vulnerable, lonely, and not the git Hermione went to school with anymore. Without saying anything Hermione started walking again.

"I believe you, call me Hermione." Her eyes whispered a thousand and one unanswerable questions. They both turned suddenly to continue walking, unable however to resist from glancing at each other in the corners of their eyes.

As the castle came into view, Hermione began to hum The Violent Femmes "Kiss Off", Draco gazed sideways at her, before quietly singing the words. Hermione was silent at this, before breaking into a grin.

"Hey not all us pure-bloods listen to only magical music. I happen to be very fond some muggle music," Draco said, while shrugging his shoulders . Hermione laughed,

"you surprise me, you know that ." Draco's eyes glinted at that, before continuing to sing. Hermione picked up the tune as they walked along the crunchy gravely driveway. Soon they were bathed in the warm light of the Great Hall. Hermione peeked over the window ledge.

"The first years aren't even there yet. This is perfect, if we hurry we can make it."

Draco and Hermione both ran up the stairs, wrenching open the door just as the first years walked in. Hurriedly they ran to their house tables, as MacGonagall gently perched an ancient patched hat on a little wooden stool.

"First Years, you will approach the bench, put on the hat, and it will decide which House you will be put," her voice carrying over the sea of students. All of the youngsters fidgeted nervously, avoiding the hundreds of eyes that seemed to follow them. Draco looked over to the Gryffindor table, were he caught the eyes of a waif with big eyes and burgundy curls. Hermione smiled to Draco, before turning to find a seat at the table. Instantly she was waved over by Ron, Harry, and Ginny. Her smile vanished as quickly as it came, carefully sliding her arms deep into the sleeves of her robes, she walked slowly over to them.

"Hermione, where have you been? Harry and I were worried," Ron said quickly, "we haven't seen you all summer." Hermione sighed as she sat down, carefully picking the words she would say next.

"I had an lots of schoolwork over the summer." Hermione was careful not to meet their eyes as she said this, hoping and praying they wouldn't investigate further. The boys rolled their eyes at this, Ginny, however, stared at Hermione.

"And now, I would like to introduce our new Head Boy and Girl, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger," boomed Dumbledore's voice over the chatter. At his words, the school began to clap, and Hermione and Draco both stood up. Draco smiled briefly at Hermione; smiling back, Hermione held his gaze.

"I think, though, enough talking has been done with tummies rumbling, so 'Tuck In'." Dumbledore cheerfully said as the House tables filled with food. Hermione sat down in agony. _'_Oh no', she thought, 'what am I to do now, this food is filth'. Dinner waned on, and not a bit of food passed Hermione's lips, she merely pushed it around, gesturing wildly with her fork, listening to the conversation as it floated above her head. Taking huge gulps of ice water, Hermione looked at Ginny, who was staring at her plate, and her clean fork with a look of utter confusion and worry. Ginny was not the only one worried, Draco had pushed his food around too, staring at the Gryfindor table lost in thought.

When the last plates were clean, Dumbledore stood, "I wish everyone a good nights sleep, and to remind them of the rules. Could the new Heads meet me up here for a brief meeting. Sleep well everyone." With that, and many yawns, the school was dismissed. Hermione gingerly waved to her friends before heading towards the staff table, ignoring the faint yells of "see you in a few in the common room." Dumbledore began to speak once both Draco and Hermione were there.

"Follow me," he gestured, while turning to follow the sea of black cloaks up the stairs. As the students thinned and disappeared, they kept walking; Dumbledore was humming a merry little tune, and Draco was watching Hermione in his peripherals. She seemed tiny in the swath of black fabric. Dark circles hung under her eyes, which she hid with make-up; he noticed the dark eyeliner around each eye, making her seem older, and wiser. Hermione's cheeks were thin and pale, the bones in her neck visible as she swallowed; Draco noticed too, that she looked down at the floor as she walked, seeming almost ashamed, and that she held tightly to the edges of her sleeves, as if they could protect or hide her. Hermione was oblivious to all of this though, trying in vain to stop from fainting or thinking of food.

Quickly though, they had arrived at a portrait of three centaurs staring up at the nights sky. Dumbledore turned to the two Head students, "before I let you into your new quarters, I must explain your duties as Head boy and girl. Every Wednesday you have a meeting with all the prefects to set the patrol schedules, and to arrange upcoming events. It is on your shoulders to arrange any school dances with the prefects, with teacher permission of course. As well, you must patrol the halls at least three times a week, while dictating the rest to the prefects; and also, to prevent, any abuse of power within the prefects. As we know that some of the students don't necessarily agree with each other." Dumbledore said that with a twinkle in his eyes, before turning to the portrait. As he did so one of the centaurs stood up and approached them.

"Your new password is 'Salvation'," Dumbledore said as the portrait swung open. "Now, I bid you good night," Dumbledore smiled and headed back down the corridor. Hermione walked into the portrait hole first, and stopped dead, causing Draco to almost run into her. He, however, saw what she was looking at, and his mouth dropped. The common room was gold and silver, with two huge plush armchairs and one long plush couch sitting in front of a colossal fireplace. In an open archway was a quaint little kitchen with a small wooden table. Hermione walked in and opened the fridge to find it full of food, and and a fresh french press full of coffee sitting on the counter. Off the kitchen was the gigantic bathroom with marble counters, and a swimming pool tub with twenty-five different knobs. Walking back to the common room, Hermione saw three doors, one labeled Hermione Granger, the other Draco Malfoy, and the third blank. Naturally Hermione opened the blank door first, and found a library. Squealing in delight at the rows and rows of books, she began to search for something to read. Eventually she found a small selection of muggle novels, and after grabbing one, headed to her room. It was more beautiful than she could ever imagine. It had the same gold walls as the common room, with a king sized bed covered in a blood red duvet taking center stage. There was also a reading desk, her trunk, a large window with window seat, and several comfy chairs. Smiling gladly Hermione had entirely forgotten about Draco Malfoy as she changed into a small tank top and yoga pants, to go for a run. She remembered, however, when he appeared as she walked out her bedroom door.

"Where are you off to?" He asked, as Hermione headed for the portrait.

"I'm going running, don't worry." Hermione sad cheerfully as the portrait door swung open. Draco hung his head in his hands as she left, he had seen the stick thin arms, the prominent rib cage, and the scars.

_Hermione looked around the ruined building. On sets of weather beaten furniture, vagrant punks were sprawled. In a filthy corner sat a beaten up stereo, and a full flat of Anarchy Beer. Here and there, hollow eyed teenagers stood and smoked, no one had noticed their entrance. Johnny slid his hand around Hermione's waist, before guiding her over to the beer. Before long, she was talking to the other punks, and drinking more than she realized. Looking across the room, she saw Johnny slam down a beer that had two girls with dreadlocks in a fit of laughter. Johnny looked up and caught her eye, winking merrily, he sauntered over. _

_"So I guess you haven't seen the rest of the house yet?' He asked with dusky undertones, 'can I give you the rest of the tour yet?" Hermione nodded, and they left the massive living room._

_"Who lives here anyways?" Asked Hermione, _

_"Me, Pyn, and whoever else decides to cruise on in." Johnny answered, before leading Hermione towards a deadly looking set of stairs. Hermione leaned into Johnny as she swayed up the stairs, the beer making her head float high above her feet. They made it to a landing covered in stained and dirty carpet. Johnny turned at a door covered in posters, before unlocking it. _

_"Here, this is my room, why don't you make yourself comfortable" Johnny said as Hermione slowly stumbled into the room. Hermione settled down the upturned bed, as Johnny slipped out the door. 'Where did he go?' she thought slowly, her head felt heavy. _

_ Suddenly he was back, two fresh beers and a pack of cigarettes in his hands. _

_"I figured we may want these." Johnny smiled huskily, before settling in next to Hermione. Turning her face in his worn hands, his mouth found hers. Lips locked deliciously, Johnny carefully pushed Hermione down on her back, he, laying over top. His hands gently began to wander, finding the hem of her shirt, pulling it slowly upwards. Hermione got frustrated at this, and siting up, she pushed off her top and undid her bra. Johnny smiled at the sight before him, before pushing her back down, his mouth finding her nipple, well his hand amused the other. Biting down gently, he teased her hard nipple between his teeth, before moving back to her mouth. Gently stroking Hermione's smooth stomach, Johnny slid his hand down her cameo pants, to find her wet and waiting. Hermione clamped down on his mouth to stifle her moan as he inserted to fingers. Taking his hand out Hermione gasped, and Johnny pulled off her pants, and his own. Removing her panties with a delicate finger, Johnny slid two fingers back inside Hermione. Using his thumb to massage her clit, Johnny softly kissed her breasts. Hermione began to moan when he removed to fingers and began to suck on her clit, his tongue doing steady circles . Hermione climaxed loudly, before grabbing Johnnys face. He looked at Hermione, and when she nodded, he moved upwards, leaning in for a kiss. Johnny positioned himself at her entrance. He was a full 8 inches thick, with a large Prince Albert hanging near the end. Hermione spread her legs wider as he teased her entrance with the head of his penis, her moans became louder and louder. When Johnny could feel her beginning to climax, he entered, thrusting into her. Hermione gasped loudly, before rocking her hips to create a rhythm. Johnny pounded back, as she wrapped her legs around his back. Quickly they pushed each other to their climax. Johnny pulled out afterwords, and cradled Hermione. Before long she fell asleep._

_Johnny quietly crept out of the room. He saw Pyn lounging in the hallway. _

_"Hey man, could you do me a favor? She is passed out now, but I'm gunna go crash the scene for a bit. If she wakes up, could you send her down this way?"_

_"Sure thing," said Pyn with a devious sneer on his face as he watched Johnny thump down the stairs, before turning towards the door._

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**A/N: OK so I know its been a very long time since I updated. I just finally got a hold of some internet, and been in the right mood to finish the chapter. So R&R for me..so I know where to take Chapter 6**_  
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	6. Chapter 6: When A Party Goes Wrong

**A/N: My disclaimer.. I dont own shit.**

**WARNING: Contains rape, self-mutilation, dont read if you cant handle it.  
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Sweat beaded and dripped down Hermione's back as she pushed farther and farther around the clear lake. Soon after heading out of the castle, Hermione had started a circuit around the lake, with the Giant Squid watching lazily. After fifteen laps, she finally collapsed in the grass, chest heaving and heart pounding away heavily. Picking herself up slowly Hermione headed back in the castle; realizing that it was well past curfew, she quietly crept back to her dormitory.

However, when she got to the portrait, it was not all quiet. Hermione hesitated at the sound of swears and shouting through the thick canvas door. She whispered the password, and the door silently swung open.

"WHAT THE FUCK DRACO?' shouted the ruggedly handsome Blaise Zambini, 'YOU DARE TO TURN AGAINST EVERYTHING! IN FAVOR OF WHAT? YOU WILL HAVE NO ONE."

"Blaise, I am done, I never wanted to be a part of the Dark Lord's grand plan, I'm through, get OUT!" Draco yelled, his eyes flashing and wand drawn. Blaise looked down at the floor, his feet slowly shuffling along the plush carpet. Quickly though, his hand came up to meet Draco in the face, with a loud 'SMACK' Blaise landed on the carpeted floor, blood flowing freely out of his nose. Hermione stood agape at the door, when suddenly Draco turned his head towards her. Briefly nodding, he lifted Blaise off the floor. Blaise turned to look at Hermione, before he faced Draco.

"This is not over," he grimaced with one hand to his nose. Walking out of the portrait, he shoved Hermione back several feet. She stepped into the common room, only to receive Draco's turned back.

"Draco, what was that?' Hermione asked tentatively,

"Nothing, not now." He responded, his voice harsh. Hermione placed one petite hand on his back when she felt it shudder.

"That was very brave, you know." Draco didnt turn around, but he reached around and grabbed her hand in his, giving it a squeeze. Hermione squeezed his hand in return, before releasing and heading to her room. Not once turning around to see the fallen man behind her, giving him that grace.

Once in her room, she gently peeled off the sweaty running clothes, before wrapping herself in a fuzzy towel, and heading to the magnificent bathroom. Turning and twisting the knobs, she soon filled the pool with enormous violet bubbles. Sighing deeply, she sank down under the warm water. Hermione swam a couple of laps, then resting her head against the marble ledge, closed her eyes and allowed thoughts to overwhelm her.

_Gently, Hermione's eyelids slid open, to see the face of Pyn over top hers. Welling up the energy to scream, she was silenced by his large callused hand covering her mouth. Quickly before she could wriggle free, he pinned both her arms above her head._

_"Like Johnny said, we are like brothers, we share everything, willing or not," Pyn growled in her ear. Hermione began to kick violently in the air, trying with all her might to shake Pyn's wiry form off. It did nothing to deter him, and Hermione shut her eyes tight, knowing that in her naked form there was nothing to stop him. Pyn grazed his fingers over her nipple, before clamping down and twisting. Hermione screamed into his hand. _

_"Now, dearie, I'm going to let your hands go, if you fight me, this will only be worse, don't worry, we could actually have some fun." His hand squeezed her nipple again, harder than before. Hermione shut her eyes and nodded, head turned away. Pyn let go of her hands, and she pushed hard against his chest, attempting to scratch him in the face. Using only brute strength, Pyn grabbed them again, this time using his other hand to slap her hard, and letting go of her mouth for a brief moment, he pulled a switchblade out of his back pocket. Sliding it open, he forced it in front of her eyes,_

_"See this, sweet cheeks, this is what I'm gunna use on you if you don't stop fighting me, and don't keep quiet," Pyn snarled at her. Tears welled up in the corner of her eyes, but Hermione lay still. Pyn chuckled, and letting go of her hands, but never dropping the knife, he began to unzip his pants. Forcing her knees apart, Pyn entered her in one swift motion. Hermione bit back a scream as he thrust over and over again, her eyes welded shut. Finally, he finished, and biting her on the neck, hard, he got off her. _

_"See now, that wasn't so bad was it," Pyn laughed again, before zipping his pants back up. Hermione could only lay there. She was broken on the inside, everything ached, and she could taste blood on her lips. Chuckling once more, Pyn left the room. Quickly Hermione gathered her clothes, throwing them back on at a manic pace, gathering the rest of her belongings, she hurried to the hall. Almost tripping down the stairs, Hermione rushed to the front door, only to smack into Johnny. Quickly she grabbed him, and dragged him outside. He took one look at her face, and smirked. _

_"So you got to play with the big dogs then?' he asked, a breath of pure alcohol wafting towards her. _

_"Isn't that what you wanted, to have some fun, you little slut." Hermione was wide eyed, and turning away quickly, she fled to the street._

_Wandering home Hermione could only hang her head, tears rained down her bruised face. When she made it through her own front door, she trudged into the shower. Letting the scalding water hit her body over and over again, all she could do was sit on the porcelain and sob. Suddenly, she stopped, feeling nothing, a veil of numbness, she dried off. Returning to her room she glanced at the clock, it was a little after five am. Quickly, and with ragged breath, Hermione searched for her pencil box, grabbing the sharpener out of it. She broke the plastic off, and held only the little blade in her hand. Without much thought past that, Hermione slid the blade across her skin, feeling the tingle and burn. She watched as the cut formed tears that ran down her arm with wide eyes. Gently she pressed on the wound, fishing around in her drawer for some tissue and a band-aid. Placing the band-aid on her wound, Hermione felt waves of relief flood over her. Carefully she stowed the blade inside her drawer, in the box of band-aids. _

_Climbing into bed, Hermione lay staring at the ceiling for hours, drifting in and out._

Hermione opened her eyes in the tub, to find that she was shaking. Climbing out, she wrapped herself in the robe before heading back to her room. Heading towards her trunk, Hermione needed to clear her head, fix everything. Reaching towards the bottom of the endless trunk, she pulled out two things, a large muggle scale, and a little satin box. Placing the scale on the ground, Hermione shed the robe. 90lbs spun at her as she stepped on, 'much to high, must work harder' she thought. Then sliding the scale under her bed, she turned to the little box. Opening it up revealed an asortement of shiny blades, some thick, some small. Selecting a large bladed with nicks along it, she held out her left arm. Finding a clean unmarred spot, she slid the blade deep into the skin. Over, and over, she sliced at flesh, ending the uncontrollable shaking.

With the control of a professional, Hermione washed each new cut, and with a simple spell, she covered the marks. Smiling slightly, and feeling at ease, Hermione got dressed, grabbed the book she picked earlier, wandered back into the now empty living room, and slumped down by the fire

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**A/N: I know its a short chapter..but its kind of heavy, so I decided to end it here.**

**R&R  
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	7. Chapter 7: Stars

Chapter 7: Stars

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING BY J.K ROWLING.**

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**Draco couldn't sleep in the strange bed that night. He tossed and turned, each thought flying around in his head. Sleepily he leaned over and glared at the clock, its ticking hands read 4:30 AM. Groaning he flung his head back on the suddenly concrete pillow. Sitting up, Draco staggered out of bed, far too awake for his liking and headed downstairs. The fire was smouldering, and in his flannel PJ bottoms goose bumps rose on his sculptured chest. Suddenly he noticed a small dark figure curled on the enormous couch; creeping silently forward, he peered at the slumbering witch. Carefully, he conjured up a fuzzy black blanket and delicately draped it over Hermione, before curling up in one of the puffy armchairs, his eyes lost in the fire.

Dozing in the between sleep place, Draco was jarred back to reality when he heard a whimper come from the couch. Worriedly, he watched Hermione begin to whimper, and cry, fat tears spilling down her cheekbones. He jumped in his chair when Hermione awoke with a scream,

"WHY?" Her voice harsh from sleep. Hermione seemed to suddenly realize she was in fact awake, and not only was she in the living room, but Draco was watching her with a concerned expression. Rubbing her face in shaking hands, she grimaced at him.

"What time is it?" Draco coughed quickly, embarrassed by the fact that he had been caught watching Hermione sleep.

"About five-thirty, umm are you ok?" his voice held a note of concern that Hermione couldn't handle at the moment.

"Fine, thank you, god I need a cigarette" Hermione uttered into her lap, ashamed that Draco had seen her night terrors in full force. Standing up slowly, head swimming, she trudged towards the window, before pulling out a smoke and inhaling the sweet nicotine.

"Are you okay?" Came a small voice behind her.

"Not particularly, but I'll be fine." Hermione said to the window pane, trying to control the water leaking out of each eye. Her hands shook from the cigarette, and the nightmares. Draco stood slowly from the couch, grabbing the conjured blanket along the way, and quickly took a seat next to Hermione. Gently he wrapped the comforter around her, leaving only a small space for her head, and the hand she smoked with.

"Jesus Draco, are you trying to smother me?" Hermione asked jokingly, a faint smile on her face that never reached her eyes.

"Not at all, but you were shaking from the cold," at this Hermione smiled, before turning back to the night sky. Draco watched her for a moment longer, questions sitting at the end of his pointy little tongue, before sighing, helping himself to one of her cigarettes, and turning towards the window. They sat in a comfortable silence for what seemed to be an eternity, the only sound was the quick inhale. Hermione, however, was the one to break the silence.

"So what were you doing in the common room at five-thirty in the morning anyways?" Her face finally composed, held only a trace of tears and red rimmed eyes.

"I, ah, couldn't sleep." Draco mumbled to the stars, his eyes unable to meet Hermione's questioning look. Conjuring up an ashtray, Draco stubbed out his cigarette, slowly and deliberately, before looking up at the small girl swathed in a sea of black.

"So. Are you going to tell me what that was all about?" He asked gently, leaning forward, hands clasped around knees. "I'm assuming that your nightmare has a direct link to the fact that you avoided Pothead and Weasel, the fact that you now smoke, and well, the fact that you lost your spark." Hermione stared at the worn face before her. She was at a loss for words, here was her sworn enemy, and desperately she wanted to tell him everything. Yet, Hermione didn't think she could, forming the words seemed to make it all to real. Draco sat there, watching silently as Hermione looked away.

"I don't think so Draco, not yet, maybe never, I don't really know anymore." Hermione sat there, hands clenched against her sides, trying to hold together any bit of sanity she had left. Draco watched all of this, not failing to notice how her hands shook, eyes closed in pain, or how near her wrist he caught a glimpse of red.

"I guess I better explain what happened with Blaise, maybe then you will trust me." He said quietly, hoping to pull Hermione out of her world of torment, and unsure how. At this, she raised her head, glancing at him for a mere moment, before lighting another cigarette. Draco did the same, took a long drag, and began to speak, careful to not let to much emotion show.

"I guess, the best place to start would be the end of Hogwarts last year.' Draco paused, gathering strength, ' I went home as I should have, and began to prep myself for the role that I had been raised to play. There is nothing in the world that I regret more than this. One month into summer, I remember this day as if it were five minutes ago, I awoke to my father brutally shaking me awake. Knowing what was about to happen, I dressed quickly, and went downstairs. There in front of me was twelve Death Eaters, masked and waiting. We apparated silently to a forest, a place I will never know. When we arrived, I was ushered into the circle of Voldemorts elite, he himself standing there, waiting for me. That is when I noticed that something was gravely wrong, there were too many of them for an initiation." Draco paused, breath ragged, as Hermione gasped. Smiling faintly at her, he continued.

"Without warning, they drew their wands and Voldemort proceeded to tell me, that my loyalty was in question, and so I would be tested.' At this Draco hung his head, face drawn tight, pale as the Bloody Baron. 'They tortured me for four days Hermione, when at last the torture stopped. And I was summoned once again in front of them. Voldemort smiled at the sight of me, starved, bloody, bruised, and crying. That is when I apparated, using my wand that I had stolen back less then an hour previous. It took everything I had left, but I managed to apparate into the Leaky Cauldron. Tom the innkeeper was kind, and he took me in for free, I had nothing no money, no clothes, and he took care of all of it. The other thing was, he alerted Dumbledore to my condition, and Dumbledore came to see me while I was there. He was very kind, but very suspicious. He locked me in the Leaky Cauldron, never letting me leave. All I had to hold onto was the idea that no-one could find me, and that soon I would be here. I was wrong. They found me. I went with them Hermione, my mother and my father, when they came to collect me." Draco tears spilled forth, his hands balled into fists. Summoning a short quick breathe, Draco leaned against the window pane, letting it take all of his weight.

"They brought me back to the manor, intending to take me straight to Lord Voldemort. My mother, she argued with my father, knowing full well that I was to be killed. He beat her senseless. That's when I did the most unspeakable of things. I killed him, Hermione, I killed my own father." Draco's voice was a mere whisper by this point. Hermione could see that he was in pain, and leaned forward, grasping one of his shaking hands in her own.

"My mother is now in St. Mungo's, getting the best care. My bastard of a father only allotted a small sum to us at the time of his death. The rest, I believe, is going to Voldemort to support his cause. I am a penniless, friendless, lost teenager with no parents. Blaise gets dragged into all of this by word of mouth, I believe that Lord Voldemort lead everyone to think that I incapacitated my mother, and killed my father due to my love affair with a muggle-born. They are after me." Draco ended with that, his voice gone completely, and hung his head.

Hermione sat in silence for a long moment, tears streaming down her face at his story. She could not even attempt to understand his pain. The only thing she knew was pain. Lighting two smokes, Hermione handed one to Draco, waiting as he wiped the tears away. He smiled at her faintly, and realized that it was infact breakfast time.

"Well, do you want to go down to breakfast?" Hermione thought about this for just a minute, then nodded. Standing up, she swayed back and forth, holding onto the wall to steady the raging nausea and dizziness. Turning carefully she headed into her room in search of her robe, knowing that breakfast was going to be an experience. Knowing that Draco had to sit with her now, she couldn't watch as he had to sit with people that lusted for his blood. Draco smiled, he believed that maybe she would trust him after all.

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**A/N: **Sorry about the crazy delay on Chapters. Life sucks sometimes. I will try to up sooner next time.


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